***Disclaimer: I don’t know if this is true, but it’s funny and that is what matters. Also, swearing. ***
There’s a story circulating that a man was arrested for attempting to remove snow with a flame-thrower. The operator of said instrument of doom stated he, “did not possess the willpower necessary to move four billion tons of white bullshit.”
I feel like he’s my spirit animal.
I mean, I don’t want to complain about the weather. Mostly because I’m afraid that every time Mother Nature hears someone complain, she says, “hold my beer, watch this…” And we are shellacked again with a quarter inch of ice… or just more of “the white bullshit.” (TWBS)
I’ve learned that there are no limits to the creative heated chicken-related things you can buy — heat lamps are obvious. Heated waterers – handy. Heated roosts? That’s a dimension I refuse to enter… I simply cannot abide in a world where chickens require heated roosts. Ain’t right.
The horses love TWBS. They roll in it, lay in it, run around and play in it. They buck, rear, fart, and run in it. Even a couple of our oldsters who wouldn’t muster a trot if you chased them in a T-rex costume have found a new spring in their step.
The problem isn’t TWBS so much. I mean, we deal with this up at the cabin and of course skiing. And the bitter cold we had, well, I’ll live. It’s just that it’s not normal for here. We can usually get through a winter with a couple of 500 watt stock tank heaters and a bag of salt for the patio steps. I’ve since learned that we needed insulated stock tank covers (which I built), 1000 watt heaters (which we bought), block heaters for the tractors, heat lamps (which the chickens were afraid of), heated chicken waterers (bought online), and — this is the most upsetting — a snow shovel.
I’ve been thinking of writing about my first year of total self-employment. It has been hilarious the kinds of crazy things that have happened — stuff you would think I was making up. Crazy relatives you have to take to court? Check. Freakishly cold winter? Check. Record-breaking snow pack? double-check. 4 wheel drive goes out on the tractor? of course. Flooded basement? yup. Injuries? of course!
But the cool thing about all of that is that the business has been the one big, bright, wonderful spot in all of this. Jeff keeps saying, “you’re so much happier!”
Yeah. I am.
